December 10, 2009


when will this pain stop
when will this anguish end
when will this torture cease
when will my desire, my heart
this longing, be satisfied
when will this life encompass
all i dream it to be


[written a couple sundays ago]

August 7, 2009

my condition

i am a pastor
am i a pastor because i love the church
or do i love the church because i am a pastor
being a pastor has absolutely nothing to do with titles
most would agree
it has everything to do with condition
i find myself doing, thinking and saying things
that are an overflow of this condition of being a pastor
alot of times its super overwhelming and it just takes over
what a shame to think that i would need an
or desk
or button-up shirt
to be a pastor
or to be overwhelmed by my condition
freak that!

i am thinking of my friends
some in newport
east coast
and everywhere else
we all have these
these conditions
i think the trick is letting our condition take its coarse
if you encourage, let your encouragement take its coarse
if you instruct, let your instruction take its coarse
if you create, let your creativity take its coarse

and if you love, let your life takes its coarse

July 24, 2009

kauai day 2

its muggy and the mosquitoes are out. you can't escape this combo in kauai in july. but i wouldn't want to be any other place. we, jordan and i, are filling our hears with some instrumental ambiences thanks to the world of pandora radio. jordan contemplates some nursing materials. i peruse randomly on the internet. both, resting from an intense bike ride to Lihue.
sarah's ma and pa flew in last night so we stopped by their hotel room only after getting lost in a myriad of hallways and winding parking lots. they seem enthusiastic about their luxurious room.
before this we got to cruise the beaches, well a beach, of kauai. it rained like mad earlier and since the earth here is red the ocean looked like watered-down tomato soup. we swam despite the color. the water was ridiculously warm. i could have stayed there for hours. not very many tourists, but enough to frustrate the locals.
i think my favorite part(s) of the trip so far (and it's my prediction that they will continue to be my favorite) is dinner. i am like sarah and jordan's adopted son. i keep telling they to freakin adopt me but i think i am too old. freak that! anyways, the three of us will sit at their small dinning room table occupying three of the four sides. its intimate. reminiscing about the past and dreaming about the future we stuff our faces with homemade tacos. the conversation is always prime. my minds wanders to 1 john and how he wrote so deligently that we ought to love our brothers... (and sisters) and even it's this act, these acts of love, that we know we are children of God. i am encouraged because i know that i have love overwhelming my veins for these two. i am reminded we are bonded with love. i am reminded that we will always be.
kauai is good.

love quotes

We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love our brothers.
Anyone who does not love remains in death.
Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.
There is no fear in love.
We love because he first loved us.
Whoever loves God must also love his brother.
This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.
No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him.
And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.

extracted from john 1..

for those of you who love, be assured, you are children of God..

July 23, 2009

kauai day 1 (midday)

six minutes to the hour of 1pm and jordan and sarah's little one bedroom residence has been emptied of them both. jordan is at his nursing presentation while sarah is probably making some venti mocha coffee crap at starbucks, which leaves me here, in their little one bedroom residence hanging with myself.
its been three hours since i awoke for the day and i've done, i think anyways, everything i know to do: ate frosted flakes, an apple, washed my bowl and spoon, read some proverbs, read some kierkegaard, chatted on facebook, charged my phone, went outside, put away my bed, got dressed and even brushed my teeth. that's pretty freakin productive.
also, its monsoon(ing) like mad. the silence has been overcome by the persistent pouring of millions of heavy rain drops. i don't mind it though cause its semi-comforting and reminds me of india some. i think my favorite part though is the outside shower. barricaded by a 5-foot green fence, it's nestled behind a huge shrubbery. basic livin kauai style. i showered last night in it like a pro. it seemed as if i'd showered there millions of times before.
last night was eventful for sure. taco bell with sarah (first things first), cruise to get jordan at school, costco, fixed ride, caught up, ate chicken cesar salad as the day's final meal and tag-teamed a ferocious cane spider.
i've survived my first 24 hours. we'll see about the rest...

July 18, 2009


what drives you

a question asked by my friend bij

now for my response

there are actually a lot of things that drive me
these things being people
persons with names and faces and stories
most of them young
some of them free
all of them perfect
their names are andy, justin, patty, max, laura, babaloo, brandon, marylin, brady, athena, brittany, ashley, brian, zach, mason, sydnee, tucker and ariel
they were, are and always will be my youth kids
what drives me the most is the thought of them being transformed by the God who grasps them and then living in a way that would honor that transforming, that experience; a complete abandonment of the world and its corrupt systems and futile endeavors for a life lived under the banner of Christ’s radical love led by the precious Holy Spirit

feel free to explore your answer

June 8, 2009

subject vs. object

an object is what someone holds objective facts about while a subject is someone one knows intimately through shared experience. to view someone as an object is to limit that person within a set of linguistic boundaries to make this person known universally as an object. it is no longer through subjective experience that a person is known but through a list of words with clear definitions, thus limiting them to the definitions of those words and nothing more. basically the potential to know someone is quenched.
to view someone as a subject is to recognize that the potential to know them is unfathomable. it is to throw away the limitedness of words and engage this person who ends up defying all clear distinctions. you can only know a subject through subjective experience with them.
for example, let’s say that someone asks me to describe my friend travis. this is truly an impossibility. its because whatever word I use to describe him, travis always seems to defy this word and its limited definition although it may be true most of the time. an objective fact: travis is shy. although this may be true when he is around certain people I have seen him do things and say things that would completely and utterly defy the definition of shy. this is because a person can never be known (or made known) by objective facts and words. someone can only be really known by engaging with his or her soul; by being transformed by their life.
I think that most people would probably agree with this. but, what gets me is that if we understand that people can’t be known by objective truth and will end up defying labels we project upon them why do we do both these things to God as if He will fit into our mold or be confined nicely in the definitions of our language despite the eloquence or manner. defining and describing God are important, but if we believe that, afterwards, He must submit to the realm of our description we are no longer treating God as subject but as object. He is not an object to be grasped, but a God to be engaged, a power to be transformed by and a subject to be experienced.

June 4, 2009

the greatest cause

there once was two men. both strived to be faithful toward Jesus and New Testament teachings. both gave their lives to great causes, though they were much different from each other. the first read the New Testament and, in response to it, decided to move away from society to an isolated meadow where he dedicated his time to prayer, fasting, purity and holiness. for he believed that the most important thing was to keep his heart clean and untainted by the world. he decided to cut himself off from tv, movies, radio, internet and anything else that could potentially have a worldly influence on him. he lived the rest of his life utterly alone, for he continued to live in solitude out of fear that he might become a sinner if he lived near them. for he never wanted to compromise his holiness and loyalty to Jesus through contact with the evil of the world. it is said that he died with the purest yet emptiest heart.
the second man also read the New Testament. but instead of living a life of solitude, he decided to take Jesus’ command to love your neighbor very serious. he sold his possessions and gave his money to the poor, he spent a considerable amount of time with widows and orphans within his city and he visited those who were in prison. he spent all of his time with others and was such a strong advocate for the social gospel that he soon began to neglect his own heart and his integrity. grace soon lost its empowerment toward sanctification and had become a license for sin. he continued to serve and love others in spite of his idolatry and rebellion toward God. the story has it that he died the most fulfilled man yet with the coldest of hearts.
commentary // I wonder if either of these men would hear the words, “well done, my good and very faithful servant.” both represent two beautiful causes. yet, also, both neglected each other’s cause. in other words, both these men got it and totally missed it at the same time. purity of heart and social action belong together. there is no reason to see them as archenemies for both of them, together, equal the greatest cause of all: Christianity.

April 28, 2009

Reflections on Love

random, feeble reflections on 1 Corinthians 13:4..

i'm not convinced this is the best word for it, but i believe love has a direction. in fact love has many directions. it may even be that love has all directions. the reason is because for love, and i'm talking about true love (what the bible defines as love), is always directed towards something. i'll say it another way, probably even more confusing, but love can never not have a direction. and in the case of this real, biblical love it is directed toward people.
this brings us to our second and even more obvious reflection that love assumes something else or rather someone else. it would be a false statement to say, "love is the only thing that exists." why would this be false? because in order for love to be love there has to be something or someone love can direct itself towards. this is because love is always directed towards something because love is never only directed towards itself. so since love has to be directed towards something other than itself love can never be the only thing that exists. yaaa :)
all of this is important because love can not be contained in the one. love is not expressed when i'm by myself. i will only know if i have love, if i love, when i am with another person.
take advantage of the opportunities you have to love your neighbor for true love can only be expressed towards another. don't waste these moments for they are precious i am coming to realize.

April 23, 2009

Jesus Shirt

i'll say she's hispanic because i'm not sure if she's mexican or not. but there is this girl in my class at work. her name i'll leave untyped for now. yesterday while trying to get my class to shut the heck up and do something productive i noticed something that made me think.
this girl, by the way, could be the omen in real life. you know that movie where satan, the devil, is incarnate as some little boy who at first glance seems pretty cute and cuddly but really has evil schemes to destroy and kill the world?.. ya that's her. ok so maybe not really, but she's almost there. yesterday she displayed abnormally worse behavior than normal. during homework hour when it's supposed to be quiet she was parading around, banging on the windows, tapping the markers super loudly on the desk, intentionally being rude, disrespectful, mocking me in front of everyone, laughing loud, and making a huge deal out of everything i said and any correction i tried to bring. now i'm saying all this because of the next part of the story. i finally got her to come to me to talk for a minute on the other side of the room, where most of the kids were not. while trying to understand what was happening inside her brain, i looked down at her shirt. all train of thought vanished. she was wearing one of those super cheesy Jesus crucified shirts.
all i could think was, "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOW! INCONCEIVABLE!"
i was wondering later on what she thought about Jesus. and what she thought about that shirt. and what she thought about His crucifixion. if Jesus meant anything to her because He meant alot to me. i mean i know she is only in seventh grade and i was rebellious too. i cussed so much in junior high because it was cool. and i called myself a Christian. but i couldn't help but think about that verse in Joshua (i think) where it says and another generation grew up without the knowledge of the Lord or what He had done.
i really do hope and pray that this girl and all the kids in my class will grow out of their rebellious(ness) and learn about Jesus and what He has already done.

March 27, 2009

Innocently Me

a friend asked me what was wrong. and i told her that "i am trying to remember how to be me." as if i forgot and i'm now retracking my steps to obtain, once again, pure and zenith innocence.
how do i "be" me?..
how does someone become the person they "are" ..minus pop culture, the taintedness of business and worry and minus the pride and evil of a fallen human society?
is it even possible?


i was watching pan's labryinth (good flick) and when it was finished decided to watch some behind the scenes footage so i clicked on commentary from the director. i can't remember excatly what he said, but he was describing a part of an early scene and said that a child has a pure and perfect personality; basically zenith innocence. a child is untouched by worries and doubts and fears, unaffected by media and propaganda and unmoved by what's "cool" and "popular" and "acceptable." a child is 100% themselves.. and they don't even know it, hence, pure innocence.
i wish i could say that for the 22 years i've spent on this earth that i have been untouched and uneffected and unmoved by these things, but that would be a lie. i have allowed these to mold me and shape me and honestly i just want to figure out what is "me" and what's not; what is god-given and what isn't.
adam and eve were both innocently themselves. this is the place i want to be. this is what i long for. what i see myself doing, the "real" self, i don't do and i end up doing the things i hate and never wanted to do. i feel more like adam when, after sinning, he hids from god, probably not even sure why he's hiding; but he is. he's doing what he never thought he would do.
in this time in my life i feel like i am god and adam, in this story. i am hiding and at the same time calling out asking where i am. this always happens to me. i go missing, but then eventually i end up letting my figs leaves go which may consist of a combination of pride, fustration, "coolness", ungodly imitaion, anger, restlessness, discontent, worry and lonliness. that's a bunch of leaves; a bunch of leaves that i cover myself with as i hide. i, like adam (although our situations are extremely different), reminisce and remember what life was like being perfectly innocent and unmoved by worldly ditractions and temptations to be and act like someone we aren't. adam was tempted to be like god.. i'm not sure what my temptation is yet..

all i know is i'm tired of hiding and i'm tired of not being truly me..
god grant me the grace to be perfectly and innocently who you made me to be



March 16, 2009

The Places We Live

love this site.
read their stories.
put yourself in their shoes.
be grateful for what you gots.




March 14, 2009

polanyi and orthodoxy

i’ll explain this quote afterwards:
“consider, polanyi might say, the experience of pounding a nail or playing jazz on the clarinet. when on pounds a nail, she is not conscious of the hammer at all; the hammer becomes an unconscious extension of her hand, a tool which she indwells and takes into herself. with each blow she is not aware of the pressure of the hammer handle against her palm, but rather she is aware of the bang of the hammerhead on the nail head. she focuses through the hammer to the nail.
when one plays the clarinet, one is not thinking about the pressure of the lower teeth against the lower lip, nor of the tightness of the lower lip against the reed, nor of the touch of the upper teeth to the mouthpiece, nor of the pressure of the fingers on the holes and keys, nor of the contraction of the hand and finger muscles, nor of hte weight of the instrument borne by the right thumb and right elbow and right shoulder, nor of the tapping of the left foot to deep time, nor of the air pressure produced by the diaphragm on the lungs and in turn on the windpipe and in turn on the inner mouth and reed. rather, through the unconscious absorption of the instrument into the body, through indwelling the instrument through one’s fingers and breath, on e attends through it to the notes, to the tone filling the air and room outside one’s body, to the feeling of the musical phrase, to the passionate exuberance of the melody, to the free play of improvisation, to the rhythm and movement of the band, to the almost intangible but real response of the audience as it sways and smiles and maybe even dances. one facuses through the instrument to the music, and through the music to the audience. if one were to think consciously of all the intricate movements of muscles, tendons, bones…one would go nuts and be completely unable to play.”
this quote is found in the book A Generous Orthodoxy by brian mclaren in chapter 0. he uses these images as a metaphor for orthodoxy. he continues after this previous quote and writes, “in this vein, orthodoxy in this book is seen as a kind of internalized belief, tacit and personal, that becomes part of you to such a degree that once assimilated, you hardly need to think of it. we enter it, indwell it, live and love through it. we concentrate on hitting the nail on the head, on the music touching, delighting, moving the audience. orthodoxy in this book is similarly caught up in the practice (orthopraxy) for love for God and all God’s creations.”
i have some feelings about this.. does anyone else?




March 12, 2009

Moments :: Master Shepherd

you know those moments? those moments that are just too perfect for words and when you try to describe them it never does it justice so you just keep it to yourself? i had one of those yesterday. i just strolled in from work. the car ride home was quiet, well for me at least. i was tired and weary in my soul. i slid my backpack off my right arm, gently caught it with my hand and laid it down then walked into my room as it remained silent and still in the dark.
the sun was still setting because of daylight-savings and it was in prime position to be watched from my bedroom as it set slightly left of the other side of our apartment complex. the sparkling rays shooting into my window illuminated a golden strip of sunlight onto my closet door and down the hallway; the only light. that had never happened before. well i had never been home to see it.
and where was i? i stood right in the middle of that golden strip allowing the gentle light warm my chest and face as i squint my eyes. i placed my right arm on the wall slightly above my head and leaned there, silent and still. i just stood... took in the moment, eyes opened staring at the sun, trying to empty my mind of pointless thoughts. and it was then, right in my gut i felt peace. my heart was calmed. my mind refreshed. i was satisfied. and i remembered that Jesus is my Shepherd.. Psalm 23...




March 11, 2009

What the Kin?!

definition of kin: "A group of persons descended from a common ancestor or constituting a family, clan, tribe, or race."
definition of kinship: "Connection by blood, marriage, or adoption; family relationship."

i think about my family from time to time, and how different we all are. i got the japanese grandma who no one can understand, the papa with one of those giant stomachs that stick out really far, the crazy uncle who never got married and still lives at home, the other uncle who married twice and adopted a little girl from china, the aunt who has the barbwire tattoo around her wrist and can't make up her mind if she wants to live with him or not, the cousin who barely graduated from high school yet is making bank, the other cousin who grew out his hair long because he's in love with jim morrison, voodoo magic, and drinks in san fran, the step dad who's an asshole, the half-sister who is half mexican and a quarter japanese, six and innocent, the brother who i care about more than most and the mum who always knows where my missing stuff is and who i want to be young and free forever because she grew up too soon.
this is but a glimpse into my mum's side. but, no matter how different, how random, how weird or how complex we all are we are still a family and for some reason the bond of a family is very strong. i would do anything for any of them because of this unseen bond we share.
but this isn't my only family. i've also been adopted. i've been grafted in. i am part of the family of God. this family started with our father, father abraham (and yes he had many, many sons). i put these definitions prior because i believe God sees us as a kin, a kinship. we have a common ancestor, abraham. and even though most of us aren't actually jewish by descent Romans 9 or 10 says that we've been grafted in. we've been adopted by our Father.
i'm different than you and you're different than me. some of us are black, some brown. some of us are rich and some poor. some of us have already lived and some aren't born yet, but we are all apart of this family, this kinship under the banner of love.
this is how we should see ourselves. i ate dinner with mark, blair, katie, becky, garrett, alli, amanda, dale, jake, bizz, krista, courtney and anthony. i was just thinking about how we are more than friends. we are more than a group of people who have the same major. we are more than individuals sharing a meal. we are a kinship. and a kinship treats the other members with honor, humility and love.
there's more than what meets the eye.




March 9, 2009

In The Middle :: A Life of Tension pt.1

I’m confused; like normal. This is about my struggle to figure out what is more important, orthodoxy or orthopraxy, then concluding that both must be equals and it is when they are no longer seen in equal tension that we begin to have misguided thinking.
I usually never start out my blogs like this. I like to let the argument form without actually stating my main point, but recent feedback says its confusing. So there it is, my main point for all to read right in the front of everything. No confusion. Now… lets begin…
I believe in right thinking (orthodoxy) and I also believe in right living (orthopraxy). Is one better than the other? no… no I don’t think so. Especially lately with all the emerging this and emergent that talk (which I find fascinating usually), this has become a heated debate. Some people will argue through a video screen, over phone, face to face about this while others will just write books. No matter what media the argument uses, most have an opinion.
One opinion, that is dominated mostly by emerging Christians, is that orthopraxy, living in line with Jesus (essentially living “right”), is more important than crossing all the T’s and dotting all the I’s of our theology (essentially orthodoxy). This is seen in many emerging Christian’s lacking emphasis on dogma and theological doctrines and their lean towards social issues of justice and compassion and what not.
The second opinion obviously sees doctrines, dogmas and theology has crucial. these Christians hold to the fact… that there are facts and there is truth and it needs to be found out and taught. You may find them asking fewer questions about doctrine and instead advocating for the truth (on youtube) because it does exist, but more importantly it can be found out.
These are two fantastic views with many great points each. So which view is right? Which is most important? Which side holds more weight?
I believe truth can be known… it can be known partially, but not fully. Does this mean that we can’t know anything for sure? No…we can. It just means that no one is capable of obtaining all truth… I don’t think anyway J So should we abandon the task of theology and doctrines because deep down we know that we will never know anyway? …um no. This could be bad, instead we should adapt a different posture.
We should struggle, investigate and research through our theologies in light of the biblical text. I think we should be doing the best we can to wrestle with and exegete the biblical text and apply it. *(a side note about this “struggle”) This struggle, when we are day and night meditating on and breathing in the inspired words of the Bible, may be where the most marvelous transformation happens. It is impossible to wrestle with the Bible and not be changed. It’s kind of like when Jacob wrestled with God all night. Jacob walked different after that night… literally. We will too.
But(!)… at the same time, it’s crucial to remember that theology will never be organized, clean nor systematic the way we want it to. All our questions won’t be answered. How do I know? Just glance at history. There are so many brilliant theologians who have done their share of struggling with God’s word… who in the end disagree. They didn’t find the same answers. Is there a right answer? I believe so, but maybe obtaining the right answers isn’t the most important thing. I think the most important thing, which is what I see as the third and best opinion, is when these two rivals, which is what some have made them, orthodoxy and orthopraxy, are held in perfect and equal tension.
I imagine a teeter-totter; those things kids think they like at parks and stuff. If on one end you had a big-fat kid and on the other you had skinny Johnny, the teeter-totter wouldn’t work that good. It’s the best when the two kids are equal weight. On one end you got right thinking and on the other you got right living. They are suppose to weight the same, but many times people will heap certain arguments and evidences on one side and at this point everything leans one way causing everything to be out of whack and out of balance. We need both. The center of gravity needs to be placed in the middle and remain there. Orthodoxy and orthopraxy are to be held in perfect tension so that justice and doctrine may live in peace.




March 8, 2009


there is a significant post concerning tithing on Scott the Heretic's blog. Scott Klienman wrote the first part and then pasted a reply from a facebook message he recieved from a teacher. you can find it by cruising south on this page under "commune bloggers."
i found it liberating. for the last couple of months i've asked God to help me understand tithing and what the heck it is. this teacher's reply may do the same for you :)

March 2, 2009

The Nature of Possession

ok so everything i am, i suppose my soul, which is emotions, will, personality perhaps and other important stuff that i cant remember right now, my physical body and all its features like my hair, eyes, joints and phalanges.. and DNA was inherited(?). there wasn't anything i did that allowed me these things (for lack of a better word). and there wasn't anything i didnt do. i had no part in it at all actually. this is just who i am. i (all physical power, mental will power and all other power within "i") had zero control or say about any of this. i was essentially given this hand of cards when i didnt know how to play poker or have any desire to play at all really. so straying from annoyingly deep thoughts, HERE "I" AM. all of "me" was inherited (also for lack of a better word).
sometimes i think about when people (...and me) say things like "my smile" or "my metabolism" because is it really there's/mine? i dont know. im confused. a pretty nerdy thing to be confused by some might think. its just the way my "inherited" brain thinks :). so anyways.. i think when talking of the material and immaterial parts of our being we should say [this/these is/are in my "possession."] why(?) do you ask! thanks for asking by the way :). possession means the "actual holding or occupancy with or without rightful ownership." ha yes i love it. something can be in your possession, but that "thing" may not actually be yours, but because it is in your possession you are responsible for it.
for example, if i let my friend corey (Dbot) meyers borrow my car (which is non-existent) because he has secured a date for friday but gets pulled over, cause he always does, and the cop finds a bag of weed in the trunk, guess who is responsible for that bag of weed? yes ladies and gentlemen you are right.. if you say corey was responsible. this is true even if the car is registered in my name. the bag of weed wasn't corey's, it was mine, but because corey took my car and since the weed was in "his possession" he is held responsible. legitimate ownership is not relevant here. i smell a connection. sniff.. sniff (maybe its just me)
somewhere in, i believe its 1 corinthians chapter six it says, "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." Paul is writing about sexual sin and says that christians have been bought at a price: the blood of Jesus. so because of this we are not our own. ownership doesn't land upon us but upon God. He has ownership. in the christian circle we call this lordship. Jesus is our Lord. but this inherited, lordship, ownership thing goes further i do believe. and we are getting to my favorite part: personal possessions.
last sunday daniel, when at church, texted me and reminded me of one of my favorite verses in all the bible. acts 4:32. sometimes this verse tortures my mind and especially my flesh and pride, but it thrills my spirit. "Now the company of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one said that any of the things which he possessed was his own, but they had everything in common." basically they shared!.. Everything! maybe the reason these early followers of the way didn't hold on to their possessions wasn't because they got, through the Holy Spirit, randomly compassionate or loving, which is of coarse a general result, but maybe, just maybe, it was because they realized (which would be through the Holy Spirit's enablement) that just because "these things" were in their possession they actually didn't own them! yes! i believe so!
Through the infilling of the Spirit they figured out something essential to what it means to be human: that humans don't own anything (though they do possess "things"). i suppose it would take more time and more evidence to prove to some that this is true, whether it is or not (i am not really sure to be honest), but maybe i could do that another time. but it is interesting.. all of this. "things" can become gods. instead of being grateful of the "things" we have "inherited," material and immaterial, and worshipping God as God and provider and giver, we can turn these "things" themselves into little gods all because we want ownership. in the end most of my flesh wants to be in charge. it wants to be Lord.
so obviously we have a responsibility; even more so then if we actually owned these "things," but we dont. they are gifts. possession does not equal ownership, but it still demands careful stewardship.
idk.. just food for thought :)

hopefully this makes sense ..


where do i even start
this is written as a response ..or in response to daniel's blog which is on his site. to understand mine wholly please read his. its a tear-jerker
god has been absurdly gracious to me in the area of relationships.. amongst other things..
its not the fact that god has taught me things or blessed me, but what makes me stop and ponder is 'what' he has taught and through whom he has taught me (all the people here are my close friends.. maybe i will talk about other people later).
here it goes...
adam. dude you are my best friend and when i told you, that one day in the hicks center, that i loved you as myself it was true.. then and hopefully now too. i do my best :) i pray that our lives will be lived together, that we can spur one another one towards our goals and dreams to live for god and love his people and to do church in a creative way that would make god want to be there. i wish you still lived with me you dirty mex cuz i miss you so freakin much. lets start a high school youth ministry in the whit already. first sermon series: the krux of the matter. marry me. your heart for your church is insane and i miss being that passionate about something. i watch how you interact with the peeps at your church and god's agape is really inside of you. i cant wait to continue to learn from you. lets drive across the country already!
katelyn. you are my other best friend. holy crap you change the world everyday you live. you preach with fire and you live with love and you paint with lots of colors. how do you do it? i hope we can always talk about memories at radiance and hammicks in the trees. i have no doubt that you will, through your loved-filled actions and speech, usher in the kingdom of god to places which currently sit in darkness. you are the funniest person ever. if you ever stop being you dont think i wont say something.
jordan. i have talked with many people who all believe you are the greatest human to ever live. i swear its true. your graceful ninjistics, your perfect sense of humor and your love for sara are all truly inspiring. when we all spent that day at adam's house, the flawless day, when the girls left later that night, sara was really upset and crying. i will never forget the way you held her and sat close to her and just cared for her. you have taught me, along with countless of other things, how to be selfless. lets all buy a giant house and start a ninja program for hurting and broken youth. i love you to death... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ's
sara. freaking nasty hipster get a life. j/k. thank you for saying yes to marrying P.AB. (perfect american body). also thank you for wearing those head things i got you in india. thank you for giving me advice about girls and listening to my nonsense talk about shooting mini dolphins out of my fingertips. i hope someday you will impact an abused trafficked victim. you have a big heart and i want to be there when you become famous because you will. you are truly a living mentor and the phattiest embodiment of responsiblity and coolness.
mark. the reason you're demon-possessed is because you bought those catholic necklace charms you satan worshipper. j/k.. no but seriously you are a hell-raiser. you are the next francis chan and i am jealous. all you have to do is shave your head.. basic. you are wiser than you think and your words are butter to my toast. god is going to use your words to literally shape lives. dont neglect your lips or the articulations that come from them. if you stay here in california, the world better get ready cuz we are armed and dangerous.
corey. you do designs and they are better than looking at pictures of pretty girls. most of the time. you always keep me on my toes. thank you for being patient when you want to leave but we end up jamming for two more hours. thank you for being my roommate and talking with me about deep things like theology, philosophy and what it would be like if our souls swithced bodies :). thank you for driving me everywhere and thank you for taking up all the closet space with your nikes. never forget where all your talent comes from.
travis. you fat skinny man. what would the world look like without you? sorry for making fun of you at work today :). please accept my love. i dont know what you are going to do but whatever it is the world will look in awe. i once heard that 'beauty will save the world.' i pray this quote finds its way weaved into your future. you are creative and annoying. i love you. i pray you and danielle have a kick-ass wedding. i hope i can go. stop stealing my clean boxers. its rude and sinful.
manuela. never stop writing songs. i am a proud subscriber to your blogs. your written words flow like a gentle stream to my frontal lobe where they find their home.. i dont know what this means :). you are beautiful in every way. thank you for taking polariod pictures. thank you for talking and thank you for listening. you are a treasure. i want more chilly dogs. is this possible or out of the question? i pray that you would find contentment in jesus and your soul would live loud and free. always think deeply.
daniel. i made you last on purpose. for what purpose i am not sure but purposeful it was. you have taught me alot. your genuineness is unmatched. when you say you love god or that you think i am going to change the world (which nearly brings me to tears sometimes when i think about it) i know you are telling the truth. i wish i could answer all your questions about faith and healing :). o ya. you have taught me to question and ask alot of them. thank you for your love and your respect. i love it when people are respectful. lets fry random things on our skillet, honey bananas and spagetti until eternity gets here. i pray everything works out and i love you like a brother. may i never hold back what already belongs to you.
more to come...
i dont know why god has given me these great souls. i find it ridiculous when i am nothing more than garbage in the alley way.
if you dont know me or my friends you will probably not understand alot of this :) but i pray that you would be reminded of the graciousness god has bestowed upon you and learn, as i am learning, to lay down your life for your friends. that is a verse in the bible somewhere. 1 john something.