I woke today and somehow locked eyes with a book on the shelf in the room I'm staying in (yes, it was looking at me): Richard Foster's Prayer: Finding the Heart's True Home. Though quitting soon after the introduction's first page, I started reading this book before. This morning I read the first chapter. Foster's words are helping me:
"The truth of the matter is, we all come to prayer with a tangled mass of motives--altruistic and selfish, merciful and hateful, loving and bitter. Frankly, this side of eternity we will never unravel the good from the bad, the pure from the impure. But what I have come to see is that God is big enough to receive us with all our mixture. We do not have to be bright, or pure, or filled with faith, or anything. That is what grace means, and not only are we saved by grace, we live by it as well. And we pray by it."