Knowing Darkness: quotes & a brief reflection

I was curious (and obviously daydreaming), as I study in the library, wondering about whether or not the library had the books of one of my favorite living theologians: David Bentley Hart. I searched his name. Immediately I read the intriguing title: Knowing Darkness and the even more intriguing subtitle: On Skepticism, Melancholy, Friendship, and God written by Addison Hart. After retrieving it, checking it out and delving in, I began referring to it as a God-send, though reluctantly. I don't care for that spiritual language normally. I didn't seem to mind this time since I actually felt that way.

Addison Hart is Parochial Vicar for the Newman Center at Northern Illinois University and has written a m

arvelously pastoral exploration into melancholy which he defines as "thoughtful sadness." I appreciated how he put melancholy in the title since I probably would of never discovered it. My interest in this has been increased lately upon finding out, after taking a personality test in psychology, that I am deeply melancholy. I always viewed this as one of the worse personality types since people with this type seem consistently sad and emotional, which I had been nearly all semester. Because of Hart's work on the subject I am learning to work with and in it, even appreciating it. Here are some quotes from chapter one:

"There is room for both skepticism and deep melancholy, for 'darkness,' in the life of faith. Christians who find these perplexing and troublesome things occupying a place in their minds should not be ashamed of them" (5).

"It [melancholy] should never be too easily dismissed as utterly invaluable to us, something only to be escaped. It may 'hurt,' but it also may in fact teach us wisdom, and its causes may be real, objective, and impossible to write off. To say it bluntly, there may be real reason why we sometimes feel like hell and want our life to end" (6).

Melancholy should never be shamed or viewed as invaluable. It can be a great teacher, as I am learning, if one is willing. Knowing darkness can even yield beautiful and nourishing fruit. More quotes and reflections to come.

this blog?...

I've done a horrible thing. This wonderful blog, where I used to engage my thoughts and friends' intentionally, I have neglected sorrowfully. But, this is not a day for mourning but of celebrating, for I here by declare that I am resurrecting/kickstarting this blog... right now!

untitled...

when will this pain stop
when will this anguish end
when will this torture cease
when will my desire, my heart
this longing, be satisfied
when will this life encompass
all i dream it to be

?

[written a couple sundays ago]

my condition

i am a pastor
am i a pastor because i love the church
or do i love the church because i am a pastor
being a pastor has absolutely nothing to do with titles
most would agree
it has everything to do with condition
i find myself doing, thinking and saying things
that are an overflow of this condition of being a pastor
alot of times its super overwhelming and it just takes over
what a shame to think that i would need an
office
or desk
or button-up shirt
to be a pastor
or to be overwhelmed by my condition
freak that!

i am thinking of my friends
some in newport
whittier
kauai
east coast
and everywhere else
we all have these
these conditions
i think the trick is letting our condition take its coarse
if you encourage, let your encouragement take its coarse
if you instruct, let your instruction take its coarse
if you create, let your creativity take its coarse

and if you love, let your life takes its coarse

kauai day 2

its muggy and the mosquitoes are out. you can't escape this combo in kauai in july. but i wouldn't want to be any other place. we, jordan and i, are filling our hears with some instrumental ambiences thanks to the world of pandora radio. jordan contemplates some nursing materials. i peruse randomly on the internet. both, resting from an intense bike ride to Lihue.
sarah's ma and pa flew in last night so we stopped by their hotel room only after getting lost in a myriad of hallways and winding parking lots. they seem enthusiastic about their luxurious room.
before this we got to cruise the beaches, well a beach, of kauai. it rained like mad earlier and since the earth here is red the ocean looked like watered-down tomato soup. we swam despite the color. the water was ridiculously warm. i could have stayed there for hours. not very many tourists, but enough to frustrate the locals.
i think my favorite part(s) of the trip so far (and it's my prediction that they will continue to be my favorite) is dinner. i am like sarah and jordan's adopted son. i keep telling they to freakin adopt me but i think i am too old. freak that! anyways, the three of us will sit at their small dinning room table occupying three of the four sides. its intimate. reminiscing about the past and dreaming about the future we stuff our faces with homemade tacos. the conversation is always prime. my minds wanders to 1 john and how he wrote so deligently that we ought to love our brothers... (and sisters) and even it's this act, these acts of love, that we know we are children of God. i am encouraged because i know that i have love overwhelming my veins for these two. i am reminded we are bonded with love. i am reminded that we will always be.
kauai is good.

love quotes

We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love our brothers.
Anyone who does not love remains in death.
Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.
There is no fear in love.
We love because he first loved us.
Whoever loves God must also love his brother.
This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.
No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him.
And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.

extracted from john 1..

for those of you who love, be assured, you are children of God..

kauai day 1 (midday)

six minutes to the hour of 1pm and jordan and sarah's little one bedroom residence has been emptied of them both. jordan is at his nursing presentation while sarah is probably making some venti mocha coffee crap at starbucks, which leaves me here, in their little one bedroom residence hanging with myself.
its been three hours since i awoke for the day and i've done, i think anyways, everything i know to do: ate frosted flakes, an apple, washed my bowl and spoon, read some proverbs, read some kierkegaard, chatted on facebook, charged my phone, went outside, put away my bed, got dressed and even brushed my teeth. that's pretty freakin productive.
also, its monsoon(ing) like mad. the silence has been overcome by the persistent pouring of millions of heavy rain drops. i don't mind it though cause its semi-comforting and reminds me of india some. i think my favorite part though is the outside shower. barricaded by a 5-foot green fence, it's nestled behind a huge shrubbery. basic livin kauai style. i showered last night in it like a pro. it seemed as if i'd showered there millions of times before.
last night was eventful for sure. taco bell with sarah (first things first), cruise to get jordan at school, costco, fixed ride, caught up, ate chicken cesar salad as the day's final meal and tag-teamed a ferocious cane spider.
i've survived my first 24 hours. we'll see about the rest...

drive

what drives you

a question asked by my friend bij

now for my response

there are actually a lot of things that drive me
these things being people
persons with names and faces and stories
most of them young
some of them free
all of them perfect
their names are andy, justin, patty, max, laura, babaloo, brandon, marylin, brady, athena, brittany, ashley, brian, zach, mason, sydnee, tucker and ariel
they were, are and always will be my youth kids
what drives me the most is the thought of them being transformed by the God who grasps them and then living in a way that would honor that transforming, that experience; a complete abandonment of the world and its corrupt systems and futile endeavors for a life lived under the banner of Christ’s radical love led by the precious Holy Spirit

feel free to explore your answer