A Writer's Curse

Have you ever heard someone say that outrageous and nonsensical phrase, “I like to write”; as if writing is enjoyable? Or God forbid someone declaring with embarrassing benightedness, “I love writing.” What foolishness and certain monstrosity has overwhelmed such a person? Can I get a witness?!

Writing is that grotesque, zombie-like state of paralysis, or better, that exhausting mental moil engaged when only under the cruel pressure of a tyrant, someone who's been emptied of heart and soul.

Someone once said that a writer is one for whom writing is difficult. Yes, well, this is the bright-side of things, the nice way of putting it. For me, writing is an impossibility. It is asking for what one does not have; taxes from the broke, time from the CEO, openness from the fundamentalist. Alas, it asks; no, demands!

I am one for whom writing is difficult (actually, truly, it is a pain in the ass! A true thorn in the side). Does that make me a writer? I don’t know, who cares! Being a writer isn’t a light-hearted journey into a profound vocation, existential satisfaction or deeper psychological ease. No! It’s toil, torture and strife. It’s the luck of the draw, the lot I’ve been given. I am its slave, and its yoke is heavy and burden rude.

I write not because I am desirous for its fruit, but because I am told to, I must. The pen has chosen me. I, like Adam, have been cast out and must work--though wielding a different instrument. Adam, with blood, sweat and tears, ripped open the earth to make the ground produce that which would nourish him. I, with tears, sweat and blood, rip open my heart and mind to enflesh my thoughts in words, which turn out to be the very nutrients and sustenance my slavedriver feed. Adam was, and I am, trapped.

Adam’s existence was its own curse. The longer he worked meant the longer he ate and stayed alive meant the longer he would regret and live in that aching aftermath. In other words, his pain and toil only furthered his curse. So it is for anyone seized by the pen. God be with us!

Why Does the Writer Write?

"Because one can't not write. Because he has to. It is that simple... The writing is not for fame, money, or notoriety, but to fulfill a more personal need, the need to find out what one is thinking, the need to put it down so that it can be dealt with, the need to codify emotion." - Jane Piirto in Understanding Creativity

Rowan Williams, it would seem, concurs with this understanding of the act of writing as a self-discovery of sorts, a knowing by doing: "you only discover what you have to say in the doing of it."

Motivation for Writing

[The divulsing continues...]

I stare at a blinking cursor, hating sitting here, frustrated at my failing brain. Why can’t I think of a single good sentence?

This is the epitome of my writing life. And sometimes, so you don’t throw in the towel, though it sounds so good, you need motivation, a pep-talk from an elder to keep you going. So sometimes I read this, Ben Myers’ thirteen theses on writing, as if he is talking right to me.

But often my gullibility fails me and I don't believe that Ben Myers is actually talking to me. In this case, I have to pull a king David. I encourage myself.